More Stupid Than the Others

About one year ago I had no clue I’d be here, doing what I’m doing now - I roughly had a plan. It feels really weird to change things - people, places, habits just to match my interests at a time.

I’ve never liked eggs, I hated the bloody things. Now it would be inconceivable to go for one week without at least an egg. What ever happened?

I hated being too curious and having too many fingers in way too many pies. I’ve always wanted to do things but at my own pace, never with the rest and never alone but it was so stupid I ended doing them on my own because there was no one crazy enough. I’ve had blue hair and I didn’t know why then but now I can say ‘I did it!’. I’ve always wanted a tattoo but I couldn’t think of anything I would possibly want on my body for longer than two-three months.

I’ll try anything once. Twice is out of the question - by then I’m bored. I’ve never been addicted to anything for more than five months.

I spend my spare time looking at pictures of cheescake and interior design or what other people do with their homes on flickr just because I’m moving in to my own flat soon. I only get to see my family by having video conferences with them and had nightmares about my life being like a Hollywood 10 minute scenario where my husband only finds out about the fact that I still have family when I mention them as a passing comment.

I need to do a lot of things for myself but lately I’ve been doing too many things for others, whether ‘others’ meant a person or a crowd of people. Because I don’t really know what I want or it just takes me so little to achieve it as of late - a run, custard, tea (green), a banana, a nice track, a good film, a cosy duvet, a glass of wine, a few people I enjoy being with, a night out to get shitfaced and not remember why I have six glow sticks around my ankles, a live gig, a bit of a scare, a load of books off Amazon, an IKEA hot dog, a hug and a kiss on the forehead, stand-up comedy, cake or death, a random episode of some TV series, a pair of shoes, high heels and short skirts, yellow, pink and blue. Because it’s so nice to be driving in the fast lane and to slow down from time to time and then go back again. Hooray.

I want my flat, my dvd’s and cd’s neatly ordered, my books, my tea collection, my forty or so mugs, my tea cups, my photos printed at last, an enormous box for sugar, for coffee, for salt and pepper. My own dog, my things. Is it the summer yet?